A Connecticut Superior Court Judge Barbara Bellis ruled Thursday that a lawsuit against Oneida, a company that has made flatware for homes and hotels since 1880, can now move forward. Fat people are suing Oneida on the grounds that Oneida might be responsible for making them fat. Additionally, lawsuits against the hotels and other food establishments, food manufacturers, food distributors, cooks, drivers, servers, plate makers, and even the gas stations that provided the fuel to the distribution trucks can all move forward because they all played a part in serving the food that was eventually consumed.
A visibly shaken waitress from a hotel using Oneida flatware who is now defending herself in the lawsuit was quoted as saying “I’m getting sued for serving them? Those folks didn’t even tip me. I’m going to shoot the idiot who allowed this!” Lawsuits are already being formed against Judge Bellis who has enraged the server to the point that the server might go shoot something up. However, the server made it clear that her only target would be the Judge who made the decision. It a tragic twist of fate, the recent ruling actually forces the Judge to be liable for her own murder. Meanwhile, other courts are trying to decide if this would actually equate to suicide instead. Either way, charges are expected against the Judge both ways in a matter of weeks.
In another weird twist, Judge Bellis is also allowing alcohol manufacturers, automakers and gas stations specifically, to be sued for drunken driving incidents on the grounds that all three should have known that if someone is buying beer from a gas station, that nothing good could come from that, and that all three should have anticipated the bad decision in the first place. In a shocking development, the refrigerator companies are now lawyering up because of this decision as well. They fear that they may be pulled into the fight due to the fact that refrigerators are partly responsible for making gas station beer tolerable in the first place.
Ironically, men across the nation are celebrating the decision because this ruling also gives hope that the families of their brides may be held responsible for not warning the groom or the groom’s family ahead of time about their daughter’s crazy behaviors, overbearing nature, and life-sucking personality. The hope is that the bride’s family can now be sued for expenses related to children, the home, and shopping as there was simply no way the groom could have known that his wife was a big fat liar when it came to her shoe habits and neediness. The Judge’s husband – who also happens to be a attorney – is expected to file suit within the week.
The list of indirect liability may be long and is expected to include bed makers who make their beds so soft that laziness results and of course condom makers that made condoms that broke during their use – that ultimately cost those who impregnated crazy women countless dollars. The good news is that everyone will now be able to sue the government for stock market losses and inflation, but the bad news is that now the oldest living relatives of anyone who might commit acts of murder, violence, and even simply owe a debt can now be sued by those affected because the real perpetrator could not have committed the act in the first place if that relative had simply chosen not to procreate.
Of course this is parody? But if you found this funny, then you’ll love the truth. Connecticut Superior Court Judge Barbara Bellis did indeed rule last week that a wrongful-death lawsuit filed by families of victims killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School against the gun maker, the distributor, and the gun store can proceed. Many across this nation are in shock at such a crazy ruling.
The rifle maker, the firearms distributor and the store that sold the gun, are being sued by the families who claim that these groups are somehow liable for producing and selling a weapon unfit for civilian use. Logic and Reason be damned, the judge decided to move forward. The attorneys for the family are pursuing a claim under an exception of the federal law known as a “negligent-entrustment claim”. Under this, a seller can be held liable for supplying a product to a person it reasonably could have known posed a risk to themselves or others. From some crazy reason, the judge decided not to dismiss with prejudice in spite of the “Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act”.
What I find ironic is that the only way for negligent-entrustment to work in this case would be if the rifle maker, the firearms distributor and the store that sold the gun all personally knew the perpetrator, his medical history, and intent. Of course, if they did, that would be conspiracy. Why do I find this ironic? Well, most Americans cannot even remember the perpetrator’s name at this point, let alone the many questions that will seemingly never be answered about the incident itself.
For clarification, Adam Lanza was his name. You know… the son of Peter Lanza – the Tax Director and Vice President at GE Energy Financial Services that helped GE pay a whopping $0 in taxes on $14.2 Billion in profits that year – while also receiving a tax benefit of $3.2 billion. Who is really criminal here? Now this may seem like an unrelated point but if we are going to go after Remington for something they didn’t do then maybe we should go after GE for something they did do while we are at it. At the very least, it might relieve some of that pressure from families being blatantly targeted by the IRS or maybe even free up some of that record revenue being taken from the middle class.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be speaking of things that matter. I suppose this is a lot like letting the felons go while arresting the innocent for arbitrary infractions. Speaking of which, big shout out to those who swore to uphold and defend the Constitution – including Judge Bellis.
Now, some are quick to call this judge a liberal or a politically driven individual. As it turns out, she appears to come from a conservative background and was appointed by a Republican. But don’t get excited just yet. I can only imagine that some are hoping that this judge is brilliant beyond the comprehension of most – attempting to publicly put a nail in the proverbial coffin of the Second Amendment and/or Sandy Hook debate.
Unfortunately, this should not be expected as it seems more like this is an opportunity for a moronic attention seeker to get her fifteen minutes. This decision appears to be entirely UNRELATED to the Second Amendment, the Constitution in general or even Sandy Hook. Occam’s razor.
Remington Arms Co., Camfour Inc., a firearms distributor, and Riverview Sales Inc., the East Windsor, Conn., gun shop have all said they are immune under federal law from claims seeking to hold them liable for crimes committed with their products. They filed a legal petition suggesting the same and that this case should be dismissed under the Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act. It is believed that Judge Bellis made her decision but in doing so only decided that she has the authority to continue to hear the case — not whether the lawsuit is viable under that protection. She said that the defense’s legal petition effectively challenged HER AUTHORITY to hear the dispute.
This decision sounds like it’s more about her than anything else; a dangerous game to play with an unalienable right if you ask me. So perhaps she will stomp her foot and move on. Take comfort in the fact that Connecticut will NOT decide the fate of the Second Amendment. This is the same state that tried to require gun buyers to APPLY for a certificate from the state before purchasing any long gun from either a licensed or private seller. I.E.: Idiots.
REMEMBER: the definition of license or permit is “official permission for something that would otherwise be illegal”.
You do NOT need official permission to buy or have a gun as your right to keep and carry arms are unalienable. Rights are NOT privileges provided by the state. If your state feels that it is, perhaps it is time to move.
Second Amendment – “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”
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